Dear God,

So, I totally am having an okay day so far, I just am really worried about my passing Honors World History. I currently have a 60 and I automatically get 5 extra points, so that leaves me with a 65. If I can bring my grade up to atleast 6 points then I'll be good, cause then I will have a 76 which is a good thing. I'm not worried about the Hope Scholarship not counting those extra points. I have no idea why I struggle so much. It's not like I don't try (according to the 'rents), I just freak out and am too afraid to speak up and ask for help. When I need help, I need someone to teach it to me until I understand completely. I don't like it when you ask for help and the teacher goes, what do you need help on, in my case I don't even understand what I need help on. That's my problem. And in my Chemistry class, my teacher says we have to ask a question properly, I can not do that, beacuse I really suck at trying to explain myself in a good worded question. I gues also it's because I am too afraid to ask 'you know who' to stay after school. She is so skeptical and thinking I'm always being sneaky, when I'm not. I'm not as sneaky as the 'rents think I am. *sigh* I know that she was once a teenager, they all were. And I know that she did 'those things' with her friends and all. I don't want to do any of that stuff, and I know I am a good person with good intentions (I kust have a hard time believing it for myself). Yeah, I know I shoplifted, it was wrong and very stupid of me. She thinks I planned it, but I didn't. I really didn't know what was going through my head (although the 'rents don't believe that). Trust me I'm no juvenile and You know that. I just happen to want to have things for my personal enjoyment, not because I want to be like other people. I wish people would understand that. I don't belong in this kind of school. I belong in a school where students strive to be different from one another (meaning a school for the 'gifted'). I want to be different more than anything (and of course I am *chuckle*). And I want people tp see that I'm different and appreciate it. Okay not necessarily appreciate, but not necessarily admire or adore, which is what I was going to stay. I want people to recognize it and not give me any crap about it. I want people to let me be myself and express myself and not to be judgemental. If I don't confine (I think that's the right word, maybe adapt) to what's supposedly 'in', then don't try and change me. I don't care about the 'in' styles of today. I love to dress like I'm in the 80's with a crazy, hippie, unique, green (meaning earth-friendly) kind of twang. I love my style. In fact, I j'adore it. I just love showing it off too. *smile* I am not a follower, but I am a leader. Heck, I was born a leader, I just have certain things about me that show I have low self-esteem, which makes me seem all too much like a follower. Yes, I have low self-esteem, but I hide it very well. And I am one of those girls who would be hard to catch her when she has her guard down. Once again the 'rents would definetely disagree on this one. Oh, well. All that matters is that I know me better than anyone else, except God of course, and no one can tell me otherwise.